weirdnessss

it is sooo odd how sometimes i get this weird feeling built up in my stomach. i hate it. i can't go to sleep and i feel as if something is not right? like something is off? like i should be out doing something better and time is so precious. like 30 minutes ago i was crying over palestine and what all the people that are strong enough to survive through it are going through. it just made me so sad. and like with me in general, i just get so mad at myself. like i feel like i can be more perfect and i stay up late like this thinking about all the things i could have done better. do i have an obssesive compulsive disorder with myself? like with limewire i spent the past 45 min downloading songs in my head wanting to have the perfect collection of songs.....i spent like 3 nights for maxim's birthday last march creating the PERFECT mix of songs...and i was on facebook all the time compulsively checking that shit. god what is wrong with me...... arighhhhh. i also am in search of a great pair of boots. ive never really had a pair or boooots and the black ones i reallly really liked were 450 dollars at coach and the camel ones at bcbg were 300 but the ones at coach are soooo comfortable! but maxim would call me shallow n materialistic. but i mean really, cmon, what is a girl supposed to think about at night? either crying over palestine or lusting after boots? very fucked up i agree. i need damn adderall but im afraid maxim would beat my ass for that toooo hahahaa. it honestly helped me focus for studying. sooo i miss my family. im trying to push my feelings aside. my heart feels like it is gonna burst. im very sensitive. i love life in general. i wish there was more time for things. things are never fair sooo fuck it all right? i need money for my damn real estate licesne. then i can make some even better money with my 2 uncles and seidi. ga tech is harder than ga perimeter. why is it that i can do my friends' homework for them at ga state and ga perimeter and i used to help neveen at life.........but no one can help me at ga tech. maxim has. i wish i could ask for his like friendship more when it comes to studying but i feel like a dumb little kid saying can i read this to you? can i talk to you about this or that? he is so busy and tired and it just seems weirdish. i feel like writing.

the distance is a distance that you cannot see. so why do you keep looking. if you cannot see it what is the point of straingin GOD DAMN THIS IS MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT I CANT WRITE WORTH SHIT ILL NEVER GET ANYWHERE WRITING SHIT WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK EVERYONE IS A BITCH AND HOE EVEN ME AGRHHFFFFJKFFGLDFHGKGJ

ok good night